Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
