everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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