I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
