I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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