I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
