Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When are your genitals available?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
