It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
