she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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