guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
