just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
