Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
