I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
