Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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