my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize