I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
