I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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