wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
