woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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