Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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