She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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