tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
