I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
