no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's blow job season.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
