So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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