I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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