It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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