I cockslap morals
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
