Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
