im drinking this country out of the recession.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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