Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
