i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
