Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
