Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
