I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
