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Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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