The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
