i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize