Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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