Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
