How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
