do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize