you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
