All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
