So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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