i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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