I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
