So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
