I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
