Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
