I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
