I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
