did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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