There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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