well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
