3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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