Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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