last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize