So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
