The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
