Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
