Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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