um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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