Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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