After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
