I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she smelled like a LAN party
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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