Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
