i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
