Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize