i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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