If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
