your thong is hanging out like whoa
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
