i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize